Like many people here, I believed the official narrative of the holocaust for most of my life. Around eight years ago I started to notice that some things didn't add up, started to investigate, and eventually understood the deception. This probably sounds familiar. Looks like many prominent revisionists, like Germar Rudolf, and also many participants in this and other revisionist forums have a similar background.
The amount of time I have devoted to this topic is striking. For many years I have been using a tool that reports how I spend my time. It reports that, over the last eight years, I have spent more than 400 hours on this topic. It's more time than I have spent over the same period on practical tasks like, say, doing my laundry. That's remarkable. I'm not a public figure. Unlike Germar Rudolf, I don't have the goal of revealing the truth to the world, I'm not even a member of any organizations related to this topic. Unlike doing my laundry, learning about this topic doesn't serve any obvious practical purpose for me. And yet, I've spent so much time on it that it borders on obsession.
This begs the question: why? Why do I care so much? It doesn't affect me, at least not more than it affects any other person in the Western world. I'm Spanish, my country didn't even participate in World War II. Like any other Western person, I've been bombarded all my life by propaganda on this topic. But most Western people don't ever question the holocaust narrative, let alone spend hundreds of hours researching it. What's so special about this topic, why does it captivate my interest (and apparently, also the interest of many others) in such a way?
I think the answer is related to my personal background. I have an extremely dysfunctional family, in which lying and deceiving has always been the norm. Since we were born, my sisters and I were taught to lie and deceive others without even realizing that we were doing so. My family is controlled by my mother: she has used lies, deceptions, and manipulations to control the life of my father, my siblings and myself since we were born. I'm the only person in my family who has ever seriously questioned the deceptions of my mother.
There's an interesting similarity between my personal life and the Western world in general. The Western world is ruled by an elite that uses systematic lies, deception, and manipulation to stay in control. This elite uses many deceptions, but it's probably fair to say that the most significant one by far is the holohoax (I'm aware that the holohoax also has a profound influence in the rest of the world, but here I'm focusing on the Western world for the sake of simplicity). There is a minority in the Western world, the revisionists, who question this deception, but most people believe it uncritically. Revisionists are systematically punished and ostracized for telling the truth.
This seems to map neatly with the situation of my family: the elite that rules the world (the world of my family) is my mother. She uses very complex deceptions to rule this small world, just like the Western elite uses the holohoax to rule the Western world. My siblings and I were bombarded with these deceptions since we were born (and my father since he met my mother), just like Western citizens are bombarded with the holohoax. I'm the only person in this small world who has questioned the deceptions and, just like revisionists, I'm systematically punished and ostracized for telling the truth.
This parallelism seems to explain my interest on this topic. I feel deeply identified with revisionists -specially those that tell the truth in public, like Rudolf- because we experience the same ordeal. In a way, understanding the Western elite and how they use the holohoax is understanding my mother and how she uses her deceptions, the deceptions I've been subjected to throughout my life. Understanding revisionists and their ordeal is understanding myself.
This also seems to explain how I approach the topic. I have some general knowledge about the holohoax and its deceptions, but my factual knowledge is remarkably limited given the amount of time I've spent. For example, I know that Sobibor is the location of an alleged extermination camp, but I know almost nothing about that camp: where it is, what is alleged to have happened there, what actually happened, etc. I'm not so interested in the factual details. I'm far more interested in how the deception works: what happened in the Nuremberg show trials, how the allies managed to force Rudolf Hess and so many other innocents to confess horrible crimes, etc.
What about you? Why are you here? Are there others whose motivations are similar to mine?